There’s Nothing We HAVE TO Be, Have or Do (- It’s Just a Silly and Erroneous Idea)

Are you under the impression that there’s something you must be, have or do? As in “HAVE TO” and “cannot avoid”?

There isn’t. No, really, there simply isn’t.

There is only choice. Your choice. There is nothing you “should”, nothing you “must”, nothing you “need to” and nothing you “ought to”.

– No, you do not have to go to work.

– No, you do not have to pay rent. Or taxes.

– No, you do not need to be well groomed and neatly dressed.

– No, you do not need to be nice or wise or well-informed, or “normal”, or anything else.

You do not have to BE anything, or NOT be something.

You do not have to DO anything or NOT do something.

You do not have to live up to anything.

You can live exactly the way you like.

You can choose. Freely.

You are free to be and do whatever you like - including just being you!

We Are Much More Free than We Think

Everything I wrote above is true. It’s the way things actually are. But that’s not how we experience them in our daily lives, obviously. Which is why I am writing this post.

I used to feel like most people do: very … unfree. Trapped, even. So many things I had to be and do, so many demands and expectations I had to live up to. Playing around with life alchemy (life design), however, has shown me – in practice – how free I actually am. Just HOW much freedom we actually have. Which is a lot. So, let’s take a closer look at it …

We Have Free Will – to Choose

We all have free will, and the purpose our free will is to choose. We can use our free will to make any choice we can think of. Yes, really, any choice we can imagine is ours to make. It runs the gamut from …

– That which is considered “normal” (i.e. the same choice as the majority)
– That which is considered unusual (i.e. the same choice as a minority)
– That which is considered eccentric (i.e. the same choice as a small minority)
– That which is unique (entirely your own choice that only you make)

It’s up to you. And that applies to all choices in life.

Normal or unique? The choices are yours.Whatever you choose, choose wisely, because your choice will affect your psyche, emotions, beliefs, habits, relationships, and indeed your entire life and life experience.

But, But …

“But,” you might object, “surely there are some things I cannot avoid!”

Yes and no. There are some limitations, it’s true. But there aren’t a lot of them, and they aren’t actually that limiting. And they’re flexible. Overall they’re much less restrictive than most people think.

The Primary Limitations (Which Are More or Less Real)

1. We all have a “package deal for experiencing” in the form of a physical body, mind / psyche, emotions, intuition, spirit / essence / soul, etc., which works best when we treat it well.

2. We also have a number of basic needs, each of which we prefer to have adequately met – which means satisfied to point of “enough” … a point that few of us are aware of (and if we had been aware of it there would undoubtedly be significantly fewer problems in the world). Most of our basic needs relate only to ourselves; a few of them, however, are social in nature, i.e. they involve other people in some way. Regardless, though, the responsibility for fulfilling those social needs rests squarely on ourselves and not on anyone else. Our needs SEEM like imperatives, i.e. something that MUST be fulfilled, but they are actually very flexible.

3. Finally, there are the natural or nature-given contexts (e.g. ecosystems) that we are part of and which affect and limit us to some extent. Those include the planet we were born on, the time period in which we were born, etc. (It also includes our above mentioned physical body, our spirit / essence / soul, etc.). These limitations, which may seem pretty rigid, are actually also fairly flexible: We can move from one part of the planet to another; we can change our gender, indeed we can change our physical body to a point beyond recognition if that’s what we want; and we can focus on a different time period than the one we were born in. (Example: I know a girl who is deeply enamored with the 1920s, and “almost lives her life” in the that time period). We can also go on inner journeys to personally experience, say: other planets, other time periods, or even what it’s like to be different life forms.

The above three paragraphs outline the limitations that are more or less real.

I use the phrase “more or less real” because, as mentioned, even those limitations are flexible and much less solid and limiting than most people think. Try, if you will, examining your perceived needs with the help of a skilled coach or consciousness guide, and you’ll discover just how true that is.

Apart from those limitations there really aren’t many. Not (more or less) real ones, anyway.

The Secondary (and Fake) Limitations

Most of us are involved in several different things where we have assumed responsibilities and obligations. We may have had children, or signed contracts, or entered diverse forms of agreements. And we have also become accustomed to following various social, cultural, religious and political norms.

I call all these secondary limitations “fake” because we ourselves are in control of them (although we may think or believe we aren’t).

Various Man-made Limitations: Culture, Norms, Family, Contracts, Obligations, etc.

Our culture, nationality, religion, place of residence, family, friends, agreements, contracts, various commitments, work, how we dress and such may seem like they’re given, but they are not, for they are all 100% man-made. Mostly they are just old habits.

All man-made limitations are highly relative, changeable and flexible – even “deletable” (as in: we can rid ourselves of them). Most of the man-made limitations that affect us we can either change, or we can change our relationship to them, or we can move to other contexts and limitations which we like better. Oftentimes we can even eliminate the limitations from our lives entirely. It’s all up to us.

Every day there are people who change their nationality, culture, religion, friends, and so on. Yes, some people even choose to change family; they remove themselves from their biological family, changing their name and then they build up a new, self-chosen family.

Responsibilities, Contracts and Obligations

Virtually all responsibility, all contracts and all obligations may be transferred or terminated – usually almost as easily as we accepted them in the first place. It may require some determination and courage, but we can certainly do it.

We rarely consider this, but it’s true. (I have done this myself, to a very large extent. It was much easier and took a lot less time than I had expected).

Children, Kids, Offspring …

One particular “thing” that seems like an exception is children, because if we have kids we incur a responsibility that we just cannot transfer or terminate … or do we?

It is true that having children is one of the greatest responsibilities we can accept. But there are people who give their child (or children) up for adoption, so the answer and the truth is we can transfer even that responsibility.

But few would do that, nor do we need to, because if we have kids they can simply follow us into our new life, whatever that life may be. As long as children get lots of awareness, presence and unconditional love from their parents, they can handle pretty much everything that most types of life might throw at them.


Finally, there are expectations. Both other people’s and our own. We limit ourselves to a staggering degree, simply because we think that is what other people expect us to do – and because that is what we expect ourselves to do. It’s all rubbish, of course.

Expectations often appear as bona fide limitations, but it is all “optical illusion”. Expectations, be they your own or other people’s, are not real boundaries or limitations, they are 100% false. Think about it. There is nothing real about an expectation, it’s a thought, an idea, a mind-habit: it’s all completely made-up!

The Point!

The very basic and potentially life-changing insight I am trying to convey here is that … we are free. There really is nothing we “have to”, “must” or even “ought to”.

Or to put it differently: If you are breathing, then you have met the requirements. (And, truth be told, you are actually free to stop doing even that whenever it suits you).

Colorful hot air balloons in mountain landscape. Text: We Are Free.

Where Are Most of the Problems Located?

The vast majority of the things we think we “have to”, “must”, “should” or “ought to” exist only in one single place on Earth: inside our heads. So they’re not very real, which makes them quite easy to change.

The things that are happening in other people’s heads (e.g. their expectations) aren’t any more real, and furthermore they’re those people’s problem, not our problem. Of course some of those people will try hard to make it our problem … but then we don’t have to actually accept this “gift” from them, now do we?

The things that aren’t just in our heads (but in some sort of agreement or contract as well) are all things that we can change, transfer or terminate … which is generally much easier than we expect.

Even so, there may be a few things which are actually somewhat difficult to change. That doesn’t mean they can’t be changed, though. It just takes a bit more effort (and perhaps time), that’s all.

So. Are we going to choose the freedom inherent in cutting back on all those things we think we “have to”, “must”, “should” and “ought to”?

Well, some people do this at an early age. They are the lucky (and happy) ones. Other people cut down on the ideas of “have to” at a later point in life, when they’ve gotten older and wiser. Still other people need a “wake-up call”. And some folks just never do it, no matter what. (Too bad for them).

Truths – about Me and Mine as well as You and Yours

There is a very obvious truth that we tend to forget:

My life is mine, and your life is yours. I make choices for myself and get my experience, and you make choices for yourself and get your experience. In short:

Your life, your choices and your life experience belong to none other than you, and you are the only one in the whole wide world to have and experience those exact things. It’s all yours. Other people may want to have a say, but really they don’t.

If you keep your focus tightly inside yourself and on the truth, you can percieve just how true that is.

You are free.

Has the time come to fulfill the requirements that life has to you? So breathe. That’s it. That’s all.

Divider and end-of-text marker: swirls.

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